Doug McIntyre: Stiffing stiffs is a new low for Los Angeles County

It's hard enough living in L.A. and now I can't even afford to die here.

Do me a favor?

If I drop dead in L.A. County - and should you be the person who stumbles upon my carcass - please drag it to the Ventura County line, or O.C. or Riverside for that matter, and dump me there.

The L.A. County Board of Supervisors just hiked the coroner's fees for transporting and handling dead bodies from $200 to $400 per loved one. Talk about getting stiffed.

However, if you hurry up and die before the fiscal year ends on June 30 they'll only nail you for $312.12 a cadaver, so smoke 'em if you got 'em.

Kids die free, of course.

Prior to 1991, you could croak in L.A. County and the coroner would happily haul you off to the Great Beyond, gratis. Ah, the good old days, when L.A. was the place to live, or at least a cheap place to die.

But like face lifts, second marriages and "Mannywood," nothing in L.A. lasts forever.

Except deficits.

Everybody but City Councilmen Paul Koretz, Richard Alarc�n and the unions understand the city is broke. The county is only slightly less broke. So the coroner argued his department has been subsidizing the dead and 200 bucks a head didn't cover the actual costs of sending Uncle Carl on his way to the Great Beyond.

Now that final ride in the death wagon will cost you an arm and a leg. On the bright side, since you'll no longer actually need your arms and legs the

fee hikes should be relatively painless.

When you're dead, isn't everything painless?

The city of L.A. faces an immediate $54.5 million deficit with a whopping $350 million chasm opening up on July 1. Controller Wendy Greuel and Councilman Bernard Parks put city departments on notice: Operate within your budgets or else!

Or else what?

Greuel reports outrageous overspending by the LAPD, $10 million, the City Attorney's Office, $9 million, and General Services, $4million. So who's being held accountable for all this crummy accounting?

Has anyone been fired? Has anyone even been inconvenienced? In any world other than "Government World," budgets this badly blown would be career-killers. Not here. The state, county, city and LAUSD keep fishing for new ways to soak the living. The county has now stooped to stiffing the dead.

And why not? The dead are a politician's best constituents - they never complain about potholes or taxes or gridlock, and unlike most L.A. residents, they vote in every election.

Tamie Sheffield Amerie Maria Menounos Rachael Leigh Cook Karolína Kurková